I often explain to clients who have experienced abusive relationships that what they have been through is a form of trauma known as relational trauma.

Close and intimate relationships are meant to be loving, supportive and nurturing. When they become the opposite, with behaviour that is antagonistic, emotionally manipulative or harmful, it can leave a lasting impact. In some relationships, this can lead to the development of a trauma bond, making it difficult to leave or fully understand what is happening while you are in it.

The symptoms of trauma are often present in clients who have recently come out of these situations. They may experience increased anxiety and hypervigilance, which can be understood as part of the body’s flight response. Others find themselves feeling more irritable, stressed or reactive, reflecting the fight response. When you add in the practical and emotional demands of dealing with a narcissistic ex-partner or co-parent, such as navigating family court proceedings or arranging childcare, it is easy to see how people can quickly reach a point of overwhelm.

Recovery often starts with understanding what has happened. Learning more about relational trauma through psychoeducation can help people make sense of their experiences. Having behaviours identified and named—whether that is gaslighting, emotional manipulation, coercive control or blame-shifting—can create a clearer and more secure understanding of what they have been through.

For many people, there is real relief in discovering that their reactions are normal responses to abnormal circumstances. With greater understanding comes the opportunity to rebuild confidence, strengthen boundaries and begin moving forward from the impact of the relationship.